Oct 16, 2007

Question B

Questions for Madame B:

1) How many other blogs do you haunt?
2) Was that really you partner (Master B?) on hhn the other day?
3) Did you cry when Stephanie Beecham got kicked off Strictly Come Dancing the other night?
4) Why are you so vulgar?
5) I can provide a photo of Anonymous if you want one. Do you want one?
6) Where is your photo?
7) How often - tell the truth - do you visit hhn every day?
8) What is your favourite J Mascis track?
9) Why?
10) When?

(Sorry guys, been kinda busy about which more later.)

Oct 10, 2007

Re Stuff

Re blokewhos, now I am really confused. And what kind of kick do people get pretending to be someone else on a blog that is read by approx six people (interesting and attentive as this dirty half dozen may be)?

Re not answering questions, bring it on dear readers. But I will not answer questions that are not interesting. (See terms and conditions below.) On the bloke from Hawaii, good question. Blokewhoaskedthisquestion I am impressed by your historical knowledge of hhn content. However, I have no idea whether or not Mr Hawaii is still out there, logging in to hhn in between sips of his tropical cocktails. Sorry.

Re regular employment and hhn status? Good call, but it is too much of a hassle to change the name of the blog. And I might lose some of you in that process. You may be small, but so is dynamite – as Prince said at the last of his gig’s I went to.

(Anonymous aka The Waunch, isn’t it time you came out of the anonymous closet, not that it is difficult to figure out when it is you or not. `Now that hhn has clarified what he meant’? `I don’t think you phrased this very well’? Dude, get that pole from out of your butt.)

Re air keyboards, you are all missing a trick. Only this morning I managed to make mrs househusbandnot laugh with a quick bit of air keyboards to the first verse of Sometimes It Snows In April. Other air keyboard favourites include A Song From Under The Floorboards, Beauty And The Beast, the beginning of Deep In Vogue, We Used To Be Friends, Everything In Its Right Place, anything from Fearsome Jewel, the Orb remix of Higher Than The Sun, All The World Loves Lovers, most of The In Sound From Way Out, and You Below To Me. (I could go on.)

Re stuck for Xmas presents? Buy all hhn posts to date as a hard copy. In the spirit of recent rumblings in the music industry, you can pay what you feel it is worth.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

I will not answer any questions that are not interesting, hhn.

Oct 8, 2007

blokewhosavesmylife

As is often the case as I absolutely can't think of anything interesting to say to all six of you, blokewhoshouldbewritingthisblog comes up trumps with a suggestion for content. (Anonymous aka Brandon Flowers aka The Waunch aka Robert Malborough, 53 Cheshire Place, London Sw17 NE4 [just around the corner from the Notting Hill black pudding shop where Ben Elton wrote We Will Rock You] is also good at pestering me with good ideas, but he does it face to face rather than via the comments pages of hhn - which would - I guess... - explain why blokewhoihavenotseenforages earned his name.)

Being pretty hip, I am more interested in user driven content aka web stoners have run out of ideas, so you six cats aka blokewhozfirstonmylistofsixcats, Styx, Brandon Flowers, Bad, &^%, and Madame B (talk to me people if there are more of you), riddle me this:

1) I look most like....
2) My biggest hero is....
3) Ideal holiday destination....
4) Favourite air guitar track....
5) My favourite Prince track is....(and no you can't have I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man as answers to 4 and 5)
6) Favourite air keyboards track...
7) The person I think really has written a pact with Mr D in order to strain their modicum of 15 minutes of fame into a career...
8) Is Madame B a geezer... (I'm not convinced by this one. I do genuinely think Madame B is a genuine stranger, vulgar as she/he/she is.)
9) The Shield or Shakespeare...
10) When you are in bed on Sunday mornings, what are you thinking about...(If you say Leonard Cohen or Tindersticks please remove yourself from society asafuckingp...)

Oct 3, 2007

Alright Already...

...chill out you freaks (x6):

1) Red or white cheddar?
2) David Essex or Mark Ramprakesh?
3) Playstation or Xbox?
4) blokewho or styx?
5) Open or closed sandwich?
6) Madame B or Mr B?
7) The Waunch aka Anonymous aka Brandon Flowers or John Cooper Clarke?
8) Scott Gorham or Scott Gorham?
9) Facebook or facelift?
10) Richard Long or Keith Richards?
11) East or South Asia?
12) Badger or Honey Badger?
13) hhn or mrs hhn?
14) Danni or Kylie?
15) Simon or Louis?
16) England or Scotland?
17) Pasta: on or off the plate? (Rem, please be there to explain this one.)
18) Prince or Imagination?
19) ipod or the other stuff?
20) Trying to be cool or admitting you are a chuffer ringtone?
21) Peter Andre or Pete Wylie?
22) Which of the two Joy Division films coming out?
23) Gastro pub or a nice place where they won't charge you 14 and a half squid for a couple of sausages on celeriac mash?
24) hhn or Billie Piper taking her kecks off? (Alright already...)
25) Blog or fist fuck?

Oct 1, 2007

McHHN

Back from a sunny Edinburgh to a rainy London. The contrasts don't stop there.

In Edinburgh, everyone seems to know my family, and all my cousins live in massive houses, and there is hospitality and largess all around, and talk of publishing my Grandfather's memoirs, and huge huge plasma TVs to watch the rugby, and every other building you go past is pointed out as having been of some significance or ownership or management to or by my family. (There was even an article in the Scottish Daily Mail about someone trying to do up their private plane in the same style as a house that my cousins used to own.)

Quite a contrast to London where the only recognition is from the drunk fuck sitting on the steps of the Church at the end of my road, and the only thing needing publishing is another complaint to our neighbour about her dog barking. But I guess contrast is where it should be sometimes. I got back to London with a renewed vague warm feeling of family, and a sense that I will be back up to Scotland in the not to distant future.

Highlights of my mcvisit included a great Richard Long show (I know, I know, but I like him), a goofy Andy Warhol show, and a quiet walk around a park outside Edinburgh listening to Music For Airports. Also saw a friend of mine, and her son in law who is now almost entirely covered in tattoos - which was entertaining. We went to The Borders of Scotland to see my friend. It is a bit like that opening sequence of The Man Who Fell To Earth, although I managed not to sell my wedding ring, or meet anyone called Mary Lou.

Edinburgh is rapidly gentrifying itself, although there are still some pretty run down looking areas, populated by women who have obviously self-tattooed because they didn't have time to get to the tattoo parlour in between pregnancies, and a lot of rough old fuckers, who would knock my block off if they heard my accent. But I was safely protected from this threat, being chauffeured around in my cousin's enormous 4 by 4 (approx size of small flat in London), and being warmly received into mansion after mansion. (All three of my sisters where there too, which might explain the slight blip in the ether you felt over the weekend.)

Anyway, back to London life. Now, where's my mace and my scowl to get me across town...