Badger Effect II

Just to continue on the whole butterfly/badger effect discussion - hey, I know it's not favourite sandwiches, but stay with me for a minute - I think I get it now thanks to Anon's explanation.

However, Anon also mentioned chaos theory, which has never struck me as anything other than bull, not least of all thanks to a friend who was working for an achingly trendy advertising agency in the USA a while back, and he called me one afternoon and was going on about how he and his colleagues were "really into chaos theory". I asked him how this manifested itself in and around the office, and all he could come up with was that they had scaffolding as banisters in the agency reception and he was allowed to date his researcher (who - unchaotically - eventually became his wife). Anyway, isn't there enough chaos around without having to theorise about it?

Some other proven theories:

The Badger Effect: If I write something about a badger on househusbandnot, mrs househusbandnot will probably be nice to me.
The Bad Effect: If I disappear mid-week to see Bad, I will be punished in some way or other by mrs hhn on my return.
The iPod Axis: Somehow, somewhere Apple have convinced us that fundamental design flaws in ipods should be acceptable, and that having to go to Ipod Lounge or some other site to find out what has gone wrong with my ipod is a cool thing to do. I don't have to do this with anything else I buy. If my new TV flunks out, I don't merrily head for my PC to look up The TV Surgery. If our new telephone isn't working, I don't think it is okay to go to The Phone Phactory to see how to fire it up again. If our fridge breaks down, I don't think Oh I must have a look on The Fridge Farm to see what I have to do to get it going again. I....could go on.
The Taxi At The End Of Our Street Theory: The first free taxi I see when I am waiting for one at the end of out street will always be taken by someone else further up the street. This relates to the Late Gets Later Effect whereby the later I am running the less likely I am to find a taxi or a bus or a horse that will take me to where I need(ed) to be 15 minutes ago. Both also vaguely relate to The Time Thang Theory which is the more time you have to prepare for something, the more likely you are to balls it up. My wedding speech is a good example of this.
The B Plan: However much I ever get to trying to anticipate Madame B's comments on hhn, I never get there. Not even close. (This makes either me or her a genius.)
The Oops: The more often I ask mrs hhn to record something on TV, the less likely she is to remember to do it. Once is best.
The DeDenny Dilemma: A dog or cat (I actually saw this happen to a bloke called DeDenny with a pig) will always head straight for the person least able to deal with its attentions.

There are many more. If mrs hhn says she is going to call me back in "one minute", she will call in an hour. If she says "five minutes" it will be five. If she says "later", she doesn't call at all. No big deal. Just mildly interesting in its inevitability. If I have lunch with Styx, I get wasted. Ditto Bad and The Waunch. If I share a taxi with my boss, I never have any cash, which makes me look like a ligger. The more important the reader, the more glaringly obvious the typos will be in what you are askign them to read. The pool at the hotel will probably be closed when you get there. If a bear attacks you, you're screwed.* Toasters don't work. Because I am scared of snakes, I see them regularly. (This includes an encounter with a python on a street in Moscow, and cycling straight into a man with a snake around his shoulders in Balham.) If you are in a real hurry, the printer will jam or stop working. The woman in the queue for the loo at the wedding that you try to have a joke with about the bride's previous choice in men will be her mother. And the smaller the lie, the more likely you are to be found out.

In entirely unrelated news, I read this morning that in a survey of skills they wanted to learn, 55% of Girl Guides said they needed to learn more about flat-pack furniture. How depressing.

* Or not http://www.kaniut.com/abtsam.htm (Thanks to The Waunch for this research. Must be busy at his office again today.)