Maths And Dwarfs

I was talking to a mathematician turned banker yesterday who told me he has created a matrix for meetings at his bank. Something along the lines of length of meeting times decisions made divided by actual money made as a result of those decisions.

I guess we are creating and using these sorts of equations/indexes all the time...

• Number of things to say divided by need to share them with six other people equals likelihood of an hhn post
• Level of boredom times access to internet equals likelihood of posting a comment on hhn
• Need to get to work times warmth of bed divided by protestant work ethic equals likely time of departure from beneath duvet
• Styx plus hhn in a restaurant equals generous bar bill
• Level of interest in a meeting times number of good looking women/men in that meeting equals life
• Number of socks times likelihood of finding a matching pair equals what I spend too much of my life doing
• Daniel Day Lewis plus award acceptance speech equals one first class ticket up his own butt
• Importance of meeting times likelihood of pen running out of ink divided by picking up the wrong notebook before the meeting - so you sit down and feel all ready and open the notebook and it is the one that you have been doing big doodles of spiders and sharks holding revolvers in and the big old other people in the meetings see the doodles - equals v likely
• Distance of sisters from place they have agreed to meet you at the time they agreed to meet you equals approx three miles
• etc.

In other news, off to see Steve Earle in concert this evening. Ironiccowboytastic.

In other other news, this from Vinderama on how he managed to insult a dwarf in California last week: "I genuinely didn't see him. He was shorter than the car door, and when the dog walked by and I nearly hit it, I apologised to the 'little fella' meaning the dog, not the three foot owner."