"Glad as we are to have you back, hhn, its dismaying to see you trot out that tired old canard about Americans having no sense of irony. Of all the lazy cliches that dog Anglo-American relations, that one's probably the most tedious. In fact, there isn't a Readers Digest Street in the Hamptons, yet dozens of Brits at dinner parties across the land choose to believe there is. Now surely that's ironic? "
To whatever sad (*&% it was who sent me this comment yesterday, go be dismayed. I'm glad you are dismayed. Go and vacate in The Hamptons. Americans STILL do not get irony...oh another househusbandnot list...because:
1) Paula Abdul is still famous there
2) They (the white ones anyway) think that racial integration is about giving the black shoe shine boy a generous tip (see also http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070224/ap_on_re_us/racial_slur_conference_1 from this morning's yahoo news)
3) They never understood The Clash (What is there not to understand about a song called I'm So Bored Of The U.S.A?)
4) They thought Boy George was a girl
5) The arch non-ironist of all time Victoria Beckham has just moved there (so she can fit in)
6) They have manged to convince themselves that Condoleezza Rice is still just waiting for the right man
7) They have names like Condoleezza
8) They think Gore Vidal is more dangerous that George Bush
10) They freak out if anyone ever touches the Stars And Stripes but spend just about all of all of their own time trying to destroy/ignore other countries
11) About 89% of them go to some sort of church
12) I once met an American who could not understand why I was laughing so much when I asked if Crunch was his real name
13) They think abroad is a woman
14) They think wearing a blazer is acceptable
15) They think that putting some grapes and a peach slice on the side of a plate of burgers and chips makes it healthy
16) They really did try and ban the use of the term 'french fries'
17) They were surprised when Mike Tyson turned out to be nuts
18) They believe they are free
19) Right after you have tried to explain to them that Europe is not the capital of London, they look genuinely surprised that you have not heard of their local basketball team
20) And they think Aerosmith rock
And please, please, please, if anyone wants to say that I am like Alanis Morissette and don't understand the true meaning of irony, please don't. Or I will have to come round to your place and insert an amphetamine-injected rattlesnake up your blazer sleeve as an ironic Friday gift.
Have a good weekend (y'all) x
the ongoing saga of pretending to be a house husband in the new millennium
Where's Vinderama?
5 comments:
but i'm english and i love steve tyler...?
"hhn: shallower than a puddle in a German carpark."
mrs hhn, you know the story of how steve tyler used to go on stage with his stash secreted about his person so that he wouldn't have to suffer the inconvenience of walking the five yards to the wings in order to drop a 'lude? Well, I always thought the modern equivalent of steve's behaviour came in the person of that singing sap from Keane, the one who looks like a semi-professional pie-thief ( surely his Dad's a butcher? ) I always imagined that he came on stage with a mini pork pie stuffed in each cheek so that when the audience took over the final chorus of whatever that dreary song's called he could lower his head as if emotionally wrought when really he was just having a surreptitious snack. Check the live vids - I'm sure his cheeks shrink one by one during the course of a gig. Ironic then - altho' it isn't really - that the dozy twat ends up in rehab with a coke problem. Is it definite that it wasn't a coca cola addiction? Anyway, d'you want french fries with that?
First American to grasp concept of irony
by Volker Weber
Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks, and I burned them, and I said "Hey, great weather."
blokewho...thanks for the info. but i quite like that keane song...it's an anthem don't you know...?
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