The Waunch

I was talking to someone today about how my friend The Waunch always signs in as Anonymous in the comments pages of hhn. Which got me thinking that we could play a game of guess The Waunch comments. But then I though not all of you know him, so you'd need a bit more on him so that you could guess what sort of comments he would send in to hhn. The Waunch:

a) Collects John Updike first editions

b) Is known as The Waunch because when he was in a band he used to crank his guitar amplifier up to 11 at any opportunity

c) Is married to Mrs The Waunch who - when they lived in Hong Kong - was regularly woken in the morning by the local traders and shopkeepers complaining that "He bad for business" because The Waunch had failed to make it the full way home after a night out on the town and had passed out in a shop front or on a trader's market stall table

d) Made me realise what a brilliant programme The Simpsons is. (This was achieved by luring me to a Scottish island that only had one ferry out of there a week, and tying me to a chair in front of the television. Hey, needs must.)

e) Is a financial journalist by day

f) Has one celebrity friend, who is possibly the biggest *&^% I have ever met in my life

g) Has been known to dress up as a policeman and confiscate people's drugs

h) Was actually one of the first people to recognise the true brilliance of me having met mrs hhn

i) Didn't technically sleep on my stag weekend

j) Has a comb over

k)Is regularly stopped by policemen who think he is a terrorist. And then he talks, and they let him go because he speaks all posh

l) Has a brother who invents cocktails (and another one who will sell them to you at eye watering prices in four or five of London's trendiest restaurants that he owns/manages)

m) Has a mobile phone that turns your voice messages into text messages

o) Often complains about the pointlessness of my hhn lists (especially the alphabetical ones)

p) Has the same first name as me

q) Regularly claims to have invented things: texting, The Darkness, stealth bombers, cider, the ukulele, post modernism etc.

r) Once owned a tailor made white suit for three quarters of a day until he spilt a bottle of red wine down it

s) Sent me this link today http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gmP4nk0EOE&eurl

t) Has fallen into vague cahoots with mrs hhn about Madame B being a previous girlfriend of mine who wants to love me, but in her own special way by preserving my penis in a jar of white spirit

u) Still has a comb over

v) Was offered the opportunity to contribute to this list, but didn't deliver

w) Thinks Tragically Hip are the best band in the world
x) Is a regular - and valued - proof reader of hhn

y) Turned up at a wedding in San Diego in a wheelchair and bribed all the pretty Californian girls to wheel him around in exchange for a Vicadan

z) And (in theory anyway, depending on how he reacts to this post) is having me and mrs hhn and mrs hhn's brother over for supper on Friday (We asked if my brother in law could come at short notice, and The Waunch just sent me a text saying "He can come but only if he's not a (*&^ing veggie")

Incidentally, The Wauch just read this and his only comment was "You mispelt Vicadan you fool".