Us? Judgmental?

A very old friend of mine was asking me last night about what it was like to be part of a couple. (He has watched me over the last decade or so, careering through some pretty pointed and pointless affairs, working around the world in order to - in part - avoid any sort of commitment to anyone or anything, falling in love with married people, feeling entirely elated and tested and ignored and paralysed and everything else by relationships, and then hitting a fast lane to absolute married bliss with mrs househusbandnot. So he knows my deal is what I am trying to say.)

He asked me the same question a while ago before I had a blog - and was not quite so convinced about the sweet tune of the sound of my own voice. Then, I just said: "It's great. People have to accept you as normal, as part of the majority. I feel I can walk around John Lewis now without getting arrested."

But my mate was asking me again last night, because he knows - as we all know - that the real deal about being part of a couple is that you can ponce around town judging the fuck out of anyone who is not part of a couple, and or judging other people's relationships (harshly) against your own (perfect) one. And to any coupled up person out there who is reading this and pretending that they don't do this, put your had on your heart and tell me you have never said any of the following to your wife or husband or partner:

1) "I just don't get why they are still single."
2) "They would make such a great father/mother."
3) "I hope we never talk to each other like that."
4) "That was a very short skirt she was wearing."
5) "They deserve each other."
6) "I'm not getting involved. If they can't communicate with each other, then they should get some counselling or something."
7) "It's not like they would ever do anything about it."
8) "Why don't they just have children?"
9) "I knew it wouldn't last. I saw him looking at your breasts when we were there at Easter."
10) "It must be so lonely being gay."

I wish I could say it wasn't true, but it is. Fundamentally, we (couples) are on some monstrous high horse, judge and jurying our way through everyone else's lives and lifestyles and choices. We can't help it. It is just too much fun, and self-validating. And anyway, what else have we got to talk about? Having said all this, mrs househusbandnot will now come home tonight and say she has been thinking about our relationship, and has decided to run off with the noodle steamer at the Wagamama's near her office. ("No, he hasn't read your blog.")

In other news, after my yes I am a porker confessions yesterday, the google ads thing at the top of the blog flashed up an ad for discount log cabins. Hey, guys. I'm different. But I don't need to go hide in the forests yet. I want to spend a bit more time in Couple Town.