Manicking around a bit today because I've got the in laws coming for supper tonight. They live out of town and have decided to drop in for a quick supper after tea at the Ritz. Actually, it is more like them coming for a late tea here because they are from the North and like to have their last meal of the day around about four in the afternoon.
mrs househusbandnot has me under strict instructions to de-househusbandnot the flat before they turn up. At my stage in life this is not a case of hiding the drugs and the porn, but making sure that there is no Bombay Mix down the side of the sofa and that the lid is on the wormery. mrs househusbandnot's parting shot this morning was "And make sure everything looks normal". Which is kind of the real problem. I love my in laws - I really do - but I have absolutely no idea what they think is normal.
So, although I will clean the flat, and puff up the cushions on the sofa to hide the Bombay Mix bits, I am bound to forget to do some sort of arranging that will shock them. I'd like to say I know what this will be, but I don't, which is why it will happen. It could be the tomato ketchup in the wrong section of the fridge. Or not enough coasters. Or the wrong coasters. Or the lack of - or existence of - an ice bucket. I just don't know. (I am still recovering from the bollocking I got from my mother in law for putting some of her 'ornamental' logs on the fire when we were staying with them at Xmas. Ornamental logs? What differentiates a log from an ornamental log? I don't think I really want to know.)
One of the issues my in laws have is that we are living in the flat that I lived in before I met mrs househusbandnot. They say they "don't see enough of our daughter" in the flat. Again I don't really know what this means. Should I be leaving strands of her hair around the bathroom? Maybe spraying mrs househusbandnot musk in the sitting room? Or leaving copies of the Charlie's Angels soundtrack by the hifi? Or burning all my stuff?* Or should I just commission Marc Quinn to knock up a quick mrs househusbandnot blood sculpture? I dooooooooooon't know.
I do know actually. My in laws want us to get a 'normal' house, where we can have ornamental logs and children and coasters - hundreds of all of them.
In other news, blokeihaventseeninages has been in touch saying that he would have liked a credit for his thoughts on staying in I quoted the other day. Apparently, I referred to him as just a househusbandnot regular reader rather than by his proper name of blokeihaventseeninages. He also pointed out that he checks househusbandnot two or three times in the morning when it is often not yet done, so my (self) congratulation at having had 1,500 visits the other day should be divided by approx four. (Thanks very much blokeihaventseeninagesbuzz(james)blunter.)
BY THE WAY: blokeihaventseeninages has just been in touch with a response to this. If you click on LINKS TO THIS POST below you can read it. I would love to show comments, but it is stupidity - rather than arrogance - which is stopping me from doing it. Anyone who can advise on this please do so.
Wish me luck with the ketchup placement in the fridge this evening/afternoon. Will report back on what I did wrong.
* mrs househusbandnot is up for this btw, but for bad anti-man reasons.
the ongoing saga of pretending to be a house husband in the new millennium
Where's Vinderama?
5 comments:
One of the reasons househusbandnot's in-laws are clearly unhappy that their daughter married him is that they've found out what a fucking liar he is. I did not tell him I looked at his bleurgh 2 or 3 times before it was 'up' and therefore he should divide his footling 1500 visits by approximately 4. I told him I did the former 5 or 6 times which means he should probably divide his paltry visits by TEN to get an accurate picture of how many agoraphobes can be arsed to read his mendacious mewling.
The 'comic' name by which he refers to me in the drain-end of today's winge suggests that at least he has the decency to be cringing with some degree of guilt even if this has given rise to his attack-as-defence blather.
For good or ill it appears that househusbandnot is too arrogant to respond to these comments. Others - and Christ knows there probably aren't any - may like to know that aswell as being known - by ten people - as blokeicantbefuckedtocredit I'm known in nearby circles as shithead.
That bloke u haven't seen in ages should click on some of those ads for life coaching that are coming up so often on your blog
Blokeihaventseeninages sounds like a massive twat to me.
Or he isn't very tall and has issues.
Probably explains why you have not bothered seeing him for ages. Whats with all the aggression dude :)
This is the first time in 42 years I've been taken seriously and I confess it's weirding me out a little.
Anonymous - you're perfectly correct; I could use some life-coaching but I share hhn's aversion.
Other Anonymous - you too are perfectly correct in assuming I'm a massive twat with issues. However, I'm quite tall. ( Small penis, mind. )
Second Other Anonymous - you sound rather sweet. Is that you househusbandnot?
Post a Comment