Would You?

Things I got asked over the last few days:

1) Would I move to Australia?

I guess, if there were fewer snakes and Australians there. (I read a while back about a survey some travel company did on Europe, and it turned out that the place people like most in Europe is Paris and the thing they hate most in Europe is Parisians. Speaking of surveys, I read last week that people are most likely to flirt in the office on Wednesdays. Interestingly, househusbandnot gets its most hits on Wednesdays too. I don't want to say told you so, but househusbandnot will get you into a lot less trouble than hitting on Angela in accounts, not that you don't have time to do both since Wednesday is obviously donothingallday day in offices nowadays.)

2) Would I sleep with Victoria Beckham?

That would be a no, because: I'm guessing the encounter would involve having to talk to her too; because I walked straight into her in a hotel lobby a year or so ago and she is really really weird looking; and because it would be really embarrassing having to admit it to mrs househusbandnot. ("It didn't mean anything. She's just someone I met. What does she look like? Well, do you have a copy of Heat or Grazia or The Daily Mirror anywhere?")

3) Would I just pop the recycling downstairs?

Now I am not dissing mrs househusbandnot's new post seeing that Al Gore movie recycling drive, but it took me about half an hour to just pop all our recycling downstairs. (And you'll remember that - for reasons I still have not worked out - we are doing the recycling from mrs househusbandnot's office too.) On Monday mornings, our front doorstep is beginning to resemble a favella, except without the people.

4) Would I be prepared to work for a large petrochemical company?

That would be a yes, as long as they were nice to me.

5) Would I look into creating a new charity to promote a micro-credit system for women in the developing world?

A contrast to my yes to working for a petrochemical company? No not really. Each would serve a purpose in different ways. Although I think the setting up a charity would be more fun.

6) Which wormery do you think we should buy?

Preferably one without worms in it. This is another of mrs househusbannot aka Tipper househusbandnot's recycling gigs as you have probably already guessed. I'm into it. I'm just worried that in some Kafkaesque way, I am going to come home one afternoon to see mrs househusbandnot disappearing into a recycling bag in a completely empty flat as the worms in the wormery polish off the remains of my cd collection.

7) Would I put more pictures on househusbandnot?

Alright already..

















8) Would I please get my hair cut before I get arrested?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Actually I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror in a restaurant on Friday, and mrs househusbandnot is right. My hair is on the wrong side of long, not long long, just peadophile unkempt long. That's not me in the photo with the dog by the way, although I have a similar hair (non) cut at the moment.)

9) Would I be less anonymous on househusbandnot?

Okay. I'm the one with the bad haircut, picking up litter to take home to recycle. Approach me. Ask me anything you want.

10) Would I rather be blind or deaf?

I'm thinking deaf. I helped a blind guy on the street near where we live the other day. He had been hussled by some woman promising him sex, and she had taken him to some apartment in an office block and not given him sex but taken all his money and pushed him back on the street. He was completely lost, although it turned out he was just a few hundred yards away from where he lived. Deaf would be bad, but not as alienating as blind.