Conference Clothes Etc.

Off to a conference this afternoon. I always think that people at conferences dress very 1970s. Maybe because going to a conference is not strictly work people just grab some old outfit from the back of the cupboard forgetting that they have not worn this outfit since 1978. Or maybe they are just trying to blend in with the surroundings since most conference venues (in London anyway) are faceless 60s and 70s monoliths, designed by well-meaning post-war modernists who were wishing they were working on something more interesting like a zoo or a palace or a war memorial, but were stuck with the dull democracy of the conference centre. ( "We need an auditorium that seats 120 people, with a wooden floor and good acoustics." "Can't I do a penguin pool?". "No".)

There is something very 1970s about conferences though. You always get really 70s biscuits like shortbread in the coffee breaks, and the coffee and tea both taste the same out of those huge dangerous looking 1970s urns. And the staff serving out the tea and coffee and that nasty stale orange juice all look like extras from Are You Being Served or competitors in The Generation Game. And there are lots of other 70s details, like umbrella racks, and the name badges, and the cheap biros that you get in your conference pack, and men (and women) with beards, and someone you vaguely recognise as the bloke no-one spoke to at school who is some sort of expert in what the conference is about but still has no friends, and display tables covered in dusty black or green baize which have been secured to the table with drawing pins. (When did anyone use a drawing pin in the last 30 years other than at a conference?)

As far as I can see the only breakthrough in conference design over the last two decades has been those stupid clips you use to clip your wine glass to your plate when you are standing up. But they don't work.

Obviously going to conferences is about networking rather than listening to any of the speakers. I guess you have the option of asking a pithy, clever question in the Q and A sections. But then there is all that buggering around with microphones and saying who you are before you ask the question, and they never answer the question you have asked anyway. ("househusbandnot from...home. Do you like penguins?" "I'm glad you asked that question. If you look at slide six in my presentation which I think should be in your conference pack, you will see that the sale of shortbread decreased by 20% in 1980. Next question. You. Up there in the Laura Ashley outfit.")

Actually not sure what I will wear for this conference. I don't really have any 1970s clothes, and was going to wear a jacket and jeans, but mrs househusbandnot said I looked like a dad in a bad way in that outfit. (She could have told me a little sooner. I've been jacket and jeansing all over London for the last two years.) Think I will wear the jacket and jeans outfit though. I can tell that dull bloke I was a school with I have to leave to pick up the kids.