Bit More Politics (Kinda)

Having said that I would get back to househusbandry etc. today after yesterday's observations on Gordon Brown and his Gissa Job speech, just a few more thoughts on what's going down at the Labour Party Conference, well mostly about how they all looked on tv last night.

Who is Peter Mandelson, and why do we have to listen to anything he says about anything? Isn't he just Commissioner for Pickles at the European Union or something. Some of the papers describe him as one of the architects of New Labour. Fair enough, but you've done your work Mandy. Get back to Brussels and your subsidy rich life(Mandelson strikes me as one of those people who still only ever orders white wine with fish, and red wine with meat - very measured, very aware of people watching him, rather unpleasant. Not an ounce of real soul. Just glassy-eyed bitchy judgment on who has eaten too many of the Ambassador's Ferrero Rochers. I still like that urban myth about him asking Gordon Brown to borrow 20p so he could call a friend, and Brown giving him 40p and saying "Why don't you call both of them?")

Mind you Jack Straw is equally glass-eyed with his new contact lenses making him look even more like a nervous cat who is not sure where the cream has gone. Or an owl that has been on a diet. (Speaking of cats and Jack Straw - which I probably never will again - my sister used to live in the same street as him. When she lost her cat, the armed guards at Mr Straw's door were very polite and nice to her, so we like his people, well his bodyguards anyway.)

And Alan Milburn? Do people really think he should or could lead a political party? I wouldn't let him lead a group of people around Tescos. He looks like a keyboard player in Level 42. John McDonnell? ( No me neither. Too left wing to give interviews.) Harriet Harman? Pam Eyres' and Christopher Biggins' love child. Alan Johnson? Looks too much like a Kray twin. ("We'll sort out the Unions. Don't you worry about it. Now, get yourself a nice glass of brandy and tell me how the heist went down at the docks last night?" ) Charles Clarke? Look too much like a dog, and with similar loyalties ie to the last person who threw him a bone.

In fact all of them strike me as pretty shabby, and also achingly incapable of hiding their thirst for power and/or their fear of Blair and Brown, conflicting emotions which get them all confused about whether they should be looking - and sounding - statesmanlike or modest, which just results in them looking and sounding shifty. The one consolation is that David Cameron is keeping quiet, no doubt preparing for his next green-friendly visit to Antarctica or something. (Although I notice his special green adviser got stung by the News Of The World this weekend.)

Not that politics should all be about appearances, but a final note: has anyone else noticed how much Cherie Blair looks like Posh Spice at the moment? It's something to do with the I Don't Want To Make Eye Contact With Anyone gazing into the distance look she has found from somewhere. And they also appear to have borrowed one of Bob Geldof's larger daughters for the family photo calls at the conference.