Theme Me Baby One More Time

"househusbandnot", my wife said last night.

"Yes, darling", I said, aware that I was probably in trouble because she was using my proper name.

"What exactly is the theme to your blog?"

"Well..." I said, stalling for time. "It started about me hanging around the house while we had the kitchen and bathroom decorated. And then it got onto other stuff and...and when I get a job I guess..[long pause while househusbandnot considers his life flashing before him]...can I get you another glass of wine darling or perhaps some berries that have maintained their natural form?" I headed for the kitchen and a quick push of the Frostmatic Button (see Frostmatic Baby*) to collect my thoughts.

When I started househusbandnot, I thought I would get lots of feedback with ideas about what to write about. But this agenda has been somewhat skuppered by the few comments I have received here at househusbandnot being 150% nuts. Examples: 1) "In polite circles gloss paint is only considered acceptable in a child's bedroom and even then only if the child's exceptionally violent and prone to knifing the skirting boards" 2) "There is nothing more beautiful than a full gloss white door - satin wood." Thank you Mr and Mr Freaky. (Although the second one did reminded me of some graffiti I saw once which read 'I ADORE Felicity Kendall's legs'. It must be great to have such uncomplicated desires.)

I was going to have a musical theme. But as we enjoyed lunch at The Oxo Tower the other day, my mate Styx reminded me that "music is for listening to, not talking about", before draining his glass of brandy and taking a wander around the restaurant's roof terrace to citizen's arrest anyone who had not been to public school. I was also tempted to write about my wife. But I think she would rather I talked about her to her. Unlike me, she does not feel the need to share details of our lives with people who think it is normal to talk about kids stabbing walls or how much they get turned on by a painted door.

So I guess - and I'm telling my wife here too since I never did get back to her last night - there is as yet no clear theme to househusbandnot. Next week, for example, I am planning on writing about advertising, househusbandnot rules on how to behave when you meet famous people, my mate Chloe, and maybe something on self-help books or jealousy. (Random life coach to self: "Hmmm. He obviously needs coaching".) I am also working on an interview with a well-known sociologist about blogs, and a McDear Diary about our August holiday in Scotland. Sorry to be so vague and unthemed. Will think about it over the weekend.

* Frostmatic Baby got exactly half of the visits of the two preceding househusbandnot posts. I know it was a crap title, and I should have called it Ice Ice Baby. And I had a whole Ice Me Baby One More Time title going for a while too. But read it. The gag about the freezer section/courtroom artists is about as good as I think I'm going to get. (Originally, the whole post was going to be about a stoner standing in front of the open fridge for four minutes talking about what they were going to eat, and then the alarm going off and freaking them out. It was going to be called Four Minutes and Kiefer Sutherland was going to be in the movie.)