Frostmatic Baby

Having been so dismissive of other people's blogs yesterday in Sharks Versus Bees, I'm now feeling under some pressure to make househusbandnot superfly and interesting today.* Trouble is, all I want to talk about is our new fridge.

Our new refrigerator/freezer combination unit is... gorgeous - perfekt in form und funktion according to its makers. It is the size and colour of a small battleship, and very clever. It has a Frostmatic Button, a holiday mode, a variable inner door (they have them in Heaven too apparently), a FRESH Box, and a Freezer Fruit Box that you are supposed to put berries in so that they are "not squeezed,and maintain their natural form" (yeah, whatever).

This new fridge replaces what I used to think was rather a swish, compact, batchelor-style one, but which turns out my wife and friends thought was a sad piece of vaguely grey depressing junk. (househusbandnot: "My wife was dissing my fridge the other night" blokewhohasloadsofjobs: "Your fridge sucks man" househusbandnot: "Don't [james] blunt my buzz man" blokewhohasloadsofjobs: "Sorry man, but it looks like a large pencil sharpener". ) All that is behind me now with our gorgeous new monster. I can hang with the best. I can tell people about my fridge's rating plate and ask them if they have "reversed the door" without being beaten up.

I am also happy to report that modern fridges still has those line drawings of completely unrecognizable animals - other than the reindeer - on the freezer drawers. The artists who do these animal sketches must be trained at the same school as those guys who do the court drawings where it always looks like Mike Tyson is being cross-examined by Truman Capote while Cher dabs a tear from her eye in the witness stand.

My fridge? Our fridge? My wife was being a bit off about our new acquisition, and then confessed that she was feeling a lack of ownership because I had filled the new fridge. It seems this is a female equivalent of pissing in the garden, and I should have let her fill it. House-husbandry. It's a long haul with a (james) blunt plough.

This post was brought to you with the help of half a bottle of fridge-chilled **psi max lemon and lime twist, a truely mood-altering drink.

* Thanks to blokeihaventseenforages who pointed out that I had missed a 9 'twixt the 8 and 10 of things not to write about on blogs. I've put one in.