Y.O.U?

I have a friend whose response to pretty much anything I say - from the mention that I once went to China to the fact I just texted someone - is "YOU? You've been to China?" or an equally incredulous "YOU? You know how to text?" So no big prize for guessing how she reacted when I told her I had created househusbandnot. (Hint: it started with "YOU?" and ended in "blog?".) Incidentally, you should check her blog at www.oneglove.co.uk It looks more like a website to me, but hey what would I ("YOU?") know.

I wish I was as surprised by me as my friend is. Being English - well Scottish actually ("YOU? You're..." yeah yeah yeah, alright already.) - I've usually procrastinated so much about everything by the time I actually do it that I am rarely surprised by anything.

There have been some recent exceptions to my no surprises existence:

1)Realising that there is absolutely no difference to the pleasure gained from eating a standard-sized Magnum to a mini Magnum (If you are reading this from America, a Magnum is an ice-cream over here rather than a gun. Ironic, huh?)
2) That monkey rescue centre I mentioned the other day.
3) www.oneglove.co.uk aka completelynutsam.
4) How infrequently househusbandnot has been syndicated to major newspapers around the globe since it bounced into the world a month ago.
5)A ginger-haired bloke on the bus the other day who was mumbling about "600 years of history, and still he hasn't come back". And if you'd seen him people you would know he was talking about Satan rather than Jesus.
6)blokeihaventseeninages' loyal reading of househusbandnot. He doesn't know this, but I still laugh most weeks about an afternoon I spent with him in a pool hall in Norwich 20 years ago making up comedy names for people we were at college with. Good training for househusbandnot.
7) How I swam two miles the other day, and managed to walk unaided to the changing rooms (where I collapsed in a puddle of blubbery self congratulation).
8) The strength of my wife's desire for me to like aubergine dip as much as she does.(Babe, it is *&(^%ing disgusting. It tastes like burnt monkey tail.)
9) How often the rules for recycling change. Take lids off all bottles, wash all clear glass, don't wash anything that is glass, magazines but no books, only put green glass in with your used mobile phones, no Pringles tubes please, dead polar bear collection only by special arrangement etc etc etc. It is truly surprising that they have not sorted this out yet. We want to recycle. Please make up your minds and we will do it.
10) Quite how short my previously quite long telephone conversations are with my mate Jim since I started househusbandnot - "youmentionedthatontheblog", "iknowaboutyournewtableireadaboutit", "youhavenoconversationleftgoodbye". Minutes, seconds of conversation, where we used to ramble on for hours.

I think there should be more surprises in life. Like caped villains, nature programmes, free things, puppies, and cocktails, you can't get enough of them nowadays. I'm going to go on a surprise hunt for the rest of this week.