Not Sure

Not sure when the best time to write about being a fake house husband is: before or after going to the supermarket? ; waiting for the plumber? ; while the plumber is here trying to explain to me what is wrong with our boiler? ( I know women do not get these lectures. Why do I have to pretend to care about how a boiler works?) ; before or after dark?; just after my wife has gone to work and abandoned me to the chaos that will be another day working hard at being a good and honest house husband?

I don't know, but we shall see. Right now, I am recovering from men who arrived at our flat this morning to repair some damp on the ceiling in our bedroom. As my wife left for work, the two affable men arrived, inspected the two red toe nails on my right foot that my wife painted last night because she was bored of the football, decided I wasn't gay because I had a wife and talked about the football, and set to their manly task of understanding how to stop the bedroom ceiling fall in on our heads. (I was pretty sure it would happen when I was having a sneaky afternoon nap.)

Today also saw me trying to buy a new fridge (out of stock), register with a job agency specialising in what I do (spoke to boy at agency whose voice had not broken), and measure up for some new blinds in the sitting room (really really complicated - the company we are using has a powerpoint presentation on how to engage in this task) . The last of these is urgent. I had a dream last night that one of our neighbours over the road was floating outside our sitting room demanding that we put some curtains up to to hide us from her and visa versa.

And listened to Elliot Smith while I was doing all this, which was probably a bad idea. He is too introspective. The house husband needs uplifting, energising with reggae or big band music, or Pink Floyd played at the wrong speed - oh, yeah Scissor Sisters.

We are decorating. Otherwise I would not have anything to complain about in trying to live my life - between the hours of 9 am and 5 pm - as ideal house husband to gorgeous, loving and supportive wife, right?