"Glad as we are to have you back, hhn, its dismaying to see you trot out that tired old canard about Americans having no sense of irony. Of all the lazy cliches that dog Anglo-American relations, that one's probably the most tedious. In fact, there isn't a Readers Digest Street in the Hamptons, yet dozens of Brits at dinner parties across the land choose to believe there is. Now surely that's ironic? "
To whatever sad (*&% it was who sent me this comment yesterday, go be dismayed. I'm glad you are dismayed. Go and vacate in The Hamptons. Americans STILL do not get irony...oh another househusbandnot list...because:
1) Paula Abdul is still famous there
2) They (the white ones anyway) think that racial integration is about giving the black shoe shine boy a generous tip (see also http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070224/ap_on_re_us/racial_slur_conference_1 from this morning's yahoo news)
3) They never understood The Clash (What is there not to understand about a song called I'm So Bored Of The U.S.A?)
4) They thought Boy George was a girl
5) The arch non-ironist of all time Victoria Beckham has just moved there (so she can fit in)
6) They have manged to convince themselves that Condoleezza Rice is still just waiting for the right man
7) They have names like Condoleezza
8) They think Gore Vidal is more dangerous that George Bush
10) They freak out if anyone ever touches the Stars And Stripes but spend just about all of all of their own time trying to destroy/ignore other countries
11) About 89% of them go to some sort of church
12) I once met an American who could not understand why I was laughing so much when I asked if Crunch was his real name
13) They think abroad is a woman
14) They think wearing a blazer is acceptable
15) They think that putting some grapes and a peach slice on the side of a plate of burgers and chips makes it healthy
16) They really did try and ban the use of the term 'french fries'
17) They were surprised when Mike Tyson turned out to be nuts
18) They believe they are free
19) Right after you have tried to explain to them that Europe is not the capital of London, they look genuinely surprised that you have not heard of their local basketball team
20) And they think Aerosmith rock
And please, please, please, if anyone wants to say that I am like Alanis Morissette and don't understand the true meaning of irony, please don't. Or I will have to come round to your place and insert an amphetamine-injected rattlesnake up your blazer sleeve as an ironic Friday gift.
Have a good weekend (y'all) x
Mar 1, 2007
Fair Enough
...on your various dissing of me flaking out re daily posts, for which I apologise. While I was mourning my decline with some Thunderbird wine and a black handkerchief, others of you were out there doing important research http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oYlJnTXtvA for which many thanks from Bad in Suffolk.
If the blues ain't nothing but a bad man feeling down, then blogging ain't nothing unless you actually have anything to say.
All I am doing is having these really weird dreams about cutting and pasting texts and moving them around a huge board, which is sometimes my body and other times a massive presentation that I am giving to some sort of entirely pointless old-fashioned organisation like NATO or something. It is kind of Dr Strangelove meets War Games meets Space Invaders with words. I blame the website I am working on, which has now reached a massive 200 pages with my daily populating.
In other news, had supper with my sister last night, who was complaining about Americans and what a lack of irony they have. I asked for an example, and she said one of the most desirable streets in The Hamptons is called Readers Digest Street. She wins.
Today, off to help a mate out with some marketing problems he is having with his publishing company. I assume this will involve a lot of sitting around complaining about how people are too stupid to understand us. Men, huh?
If the blues ain't nothing but a bad man feeling down, then blogging ain't nothing unless you actually have anything to say.
All I am doing is having these really weird dreams about cutting and pasting texts and moving them around a huge board, which is sometimes my body and other times a massive presentation that I am giving to some sort of entirely pointless old-fashioned organisation like NATO or something. It is kind of Dr Strangelove meets War Games meets Space Invaders with words. I blame the website I am working on, which has now reached a massive 200 pages with my daily populating.
In other news, had supper with my sister last night, who was complaining about Americans and what a lack of irony they have. I asked for an example, and she said one of the most desirable streets in The Hamptons is called Readers Digest Street. She wins.
Today, off to help a mate out with some marketing problems he is having with his publishing company. I assume this will involve a lot of sitting around complaining about how people are too stupid to understand us. Men, huh?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
